Done

What I've learned from my blogging challenge....yes I did all 30 days but kept some private as they were too emotionally intimate for me to share, but I've definitely learned a lot from this challenge. I've learned for one, I should take my own advice! After reflecting on things I've written about I realized I always know what I should do, I just don't always listen. I'm gonna start listening to me! I also learned that while my friends mean well, I sometimes let them effect my decisions with guys even if I know more about the situation then they do. I'm not saying don't listen to your friends because lord knows the outsiders perspective is good, but if you think you really need to keep fighting for something, don't let others convince you to give up. I actually have a huge regret from a situation similar to that and I normally live regret free, I should've held on as I wasn't unhappy, I just wasn't where I wanted to be yet (the explanation to that was in a private blog). I also learned through this that I have huge standards!! God bless I may be single forever lol but if not I will have an amazing man in my life. I am very thankful for the morals and values my parents instilled in me as they have definitely come into play in my life and what I'm looking for in a man, I realized this while going through the challenge. I started this challenge in a dark place dating wise, all hope on relationships was lost, but after going through the 30 days (which took me like 60 lol) I realize that alls not lost and that I am a strong single woman who doesn't need a man to define me. I still believe in love and want it, I just won't settle for anything less then true, unconditional, love. 

Is chivalry dead????

So I'm at lunch with a client today, he's from my parents generation and he says to me....why don't you kids date anymore!?!? OMG took the thoughts straight from my head!! Why don't we date anymore?? Why do people think buying a few beers at the local bars constitutes a date??!!??!!  I'm so over this! I have been in "relationships" and I use that term lightly, where we never go on REAL dates!! My last date I do believe was last valentines and I'm gonna use the term "date" lightly as well but that's another story, yet I can say I've never not been dating someone until recently! All because I just decided that watching you play Xbox or drinking at a bar together is no longer good enough. I'm not saying 5 star weekends every week, but put some effort into it, a simple movie night at home counts if you put effort into it. So until a guy is gentleman enough to show respect and ask me out, you know like we used to do, I am refraining from the laughing matter we single girls call "dating"! 

Old School....

So I didn't do any blogs last week as it was a rough week for me, but I'm back and today the topic is.....if I could have a conversation with myself in high school what would I say. WOW, well I'd have so much  to say as I have learned a ton since then, thank God, but see I'm not sure how much I would want to change. Everything in my life good or bad has made me who I am today and I like me. My biggest "mistakes" brought me my biggest blessings! However I would tell myself that all the gossip (which we know never stops) is irrelevant! None of these people will matter after high school (except the ones that love me). These girls who think they are so much better then you are just insecure and that's why they put you down. I was lucky in high school, I wasn't picked on and I had tons of great friends, but for those there now who aren't as lucky....keep your head up and know in a few short years (yes I know that feels like an eternity now) this will all be over and you will move on to bigger and better things. High school is definitely a jungle but if you stay true to you you'll make it out alive. 

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream.....

A song that makes me cry everytime I hear it....I think this topic is odd because until a year ago I didn't have one and the one I do have isn't a Taylor Swift I can't live without him song, it's Luther Vandross Dance with my father. This song kills me!! Yet I love it. 

These words are sooo true!! It hurts so bad just thinking I haven't hugged my daddy in almost a year. My heart aches everyday because I don't have him, I didn't go a day without talking to him. I  enjoy football because that was our thing, I grew up watching football with my daddy, cheering on the Tide! We always watched the game together, even once I was older,unless I was out of town in which case I would call him on commercial breaks. I remember the Saturday before he died watching my last Bama game with him, sitting next to his hospital bed, holding his hand and praying this wasn't my last game to watch with him. That memory, while it sounds painful, I will always cherish.  Luckily I have so many wonderful memories to hold onto, from my earliest memory to now he's a part of all my best memories! 

This part has always been true, even as an adult lol. When my mother would make me ill I would tell her (like even once I turned 30) I'm gonna call my daddy and tell on you. When she actually did make me mad I would call him and he always knew how to make everything better, never once disrespecting my mother. He was absolutely the most amazing man ever. I learned a lot about how a man should treat a woman by watching how amazing he was to my mom. His example was truly the best and I hope to one day find someone who treats me with the respect and love that my daddy gave my mom. 

What more can I say (without losing it on my end).....I was loved!! 

Text me.....

Last person I text and our relationship…..I lucked out when I read this topic for today because the last person I text was one of my fav girls! We are planning our night on the town tonight, she is a fellow strong single girl. This girl came into my life right when I needed her most; God’s timing really is perfect. We have been through some stuff together and we are true soul sisters.  We have had more good times then I can count, maybe TOO good of times every now and then! From wild staycations to hanging on the back porch sippin some wine I don’t know what I would do without her. Friends like this are a necessity to every single girl. A friend that understands what the dating world is like, one that can wipe your tears (you know the ones you hide from everyone else), one who can make you laugh on your worst day, and one you can always do the same for in return.  Cheers to single girl Friday nights, hope everyone enjoys their weekend!  

Trust Me.....

Annoying couple behavior…..well we all have been guilty of annoying couple behavior at one point or another, you know the gushy lovey dovey displays of affection that make everyone around us sick! Yeah I can excuse those for the most part because hey, love happens. What I can’t stand is, and this will offend some people, the couples that must be ONE with EVERYTHING! No one allowed to have their own thought process. You know the types, can’t go to dinner with the girls without having to check in every 10 minutes, OH and you can forget going out of town without the guy... lord knows that’s not going to happen! Let’s not forget those who share a Facebook page….REALLY you need to share your Facebook page?!?! JohnandJane Doe are soooo in love J J ugh no Truth is JohnandJane Doe have soooooo many trust issues! That’s the couples that get to me! I totally get respecting your partners wishes and feelings but when that fine line crosses over into lack of trust and control it makes me nauseous. Mainly because I have been in a controlling relationship and I know it’s not a good place to be. If you can’t have any trust in your relationship then you got a real problem. I have never been a check your phone; go through your things kind of girl. I just don’t have the time or energy for it. If you give me reasons to think I need to be that girl….well to the left, to the left!  So ladies if you were offended by this….I am sorry but I am not sorry….take a good look at your relationship and if there is real trust?  If you think there may not be then talk with your partner about how you can fix that J things are so much better when you aren’t constantly worried…what’s he doing? Or even worse when he has to know your every step! Remember Trust is EVERYTHING!

Oh happy day!

When was the last time I was truly blissful…..Sunday morning when I discovered Red Velvet Christmas tree cakes!!! Hello a Christmas Tree cake plus red velvet!! Yep end of story ;) ha, but seriously (OK I seriously was stoked about that) I honestly felt real, true bliss Saturday morning. I was driving down the road after a great night with one of my oldest and best friends, heading to lunch with another fabulous friend, then I was heading to get my monsters and go watch football with MORE amazing friends. HELLO, how blessed am I? The weather was great, I had my boots on and it felt Fabulous!! I couldn’t help but notice the gorgeous colors of the fall trees, this is not something I usually notice, and it was like for the first time in a LONG time I could see in color again. I was so happy I was singing EVERY song that came on the radio, my kids laughed as I cannot sing this I assure you. None the less I was so flipping happy for no other reason than I was alive! This feeling has stuck with me all week; I was even in a fabulous mood Monday of all days. Now I may not know how long this great mood will last, but I am going to ride this blissful wave while it’s here. Keep in mind if you are in a hard time, you cannot appreciate the great moments if you never experience the bad, keep your head up and wait…..true bliss comes when you least expect it.

I'm a princess because my DADDY said so!!!!

My proudest accomplishment.....Well honestly I think keeping 3 wild boys alive daily should count BUT again that would be the easy way out! So my proudest accomplishment (other then my monsters) is......my Independence! See, I can't lie, I was a spoiled child! Kept in a bubble and very happy to stay in that bubble. I married a guy who didn't mind taking care of me (financially, and NO I am not a gold digger) so when things went south I heard a lot of...."you are a spoiled little princess!! You would never make it without me!! what are you going to do run home to mommy and daddy?" Well, I started to believe this as my only option, I mean what did I know I had NEVER stood on my own!  I guess I should mention that I have always said I am a princess because my daddy said so and until his dying day he backed me on that! However, I learned REAL quick that while my daddy spoiled me and made me the princess I am today, he also taught me some very important lessons! For example, when I left my ex I left with 3 kids, NO money, and only the clothes I could fit in my car! I refused to let my ex be right! I was not running home to anyone, so I ran to a piece of crap might as well of been a shack rental, and that's when it happened! Everything my dad had taught me came to play. See I watched my dad my entire life make something out of nothing! He worked his butt off so his girls could have ANY and EVERYTHING they wanted! So now it was my turn, My boys would NOT do without!! I used that great example my daddy taught me and I worked and worked  and worked my tail off!! I got discouraged a lot as there where times I didn't even have enough money for gas to get to work, but I remembered something my dad said my entire life...."If you can fix the problem with money, it's NOT a problem", this my friends is a TRUE statement. I learned that the hard way. I was well on my way up the career ladder when I got the worst news of my life!! My dad was terminal!! It seemed like a blur and honestly I would have sold my soul to save him!! this was my world, this was the ONLY person who I felt truly and Unconditionally loved me! I mean I had given this man all the reasons in the world to be disappointed in me and he assured me he NEVER was and he meant that! When he passed I was devastated!! BUT I remembered how strong he always was, I remembered all the ways he taught me to be strong and while I have had my setbacks I pushed through and have turned into a successful, independent woman!! I have a great job and make a very nice home for my boys all by myself, Despite all the ones who thought I didn't have it in me.  I mean.....remember I was a spoiled little princess, but guess what this spoiled princess learned a lot from the man who made her so rotten :) I learned about hard work, importance of family, and the TRUE meaning of unconditional love! So yes, I am a princess, a very successful one....because my DADDY said so!!! and don't you forget it!

Ohhhhhhh HEYYYYY

Ok I am back, got through Halloween and some crazy work deadlines so maybe I can be more consistent again. Today's topic....running into an ex. Now this was supposed to come later this week but I decided to discuss it today, I'm just wild like that, and I ran into one last night so it's fresh on my brain. This can be a tricky situation, if you run into an ex you no longer have feelings for you tend to find yourself content with a hello and good to see you, BUT if you do still have feelings for the ex it can be.....ummmmmmm nauseating! You know, your heart drops into your stomach and it literally takes your breath away, yeah good times. Well in my case I was having drinks with an out of town girlfriend who was visiting last night. We were catching up on all things important when out of the corner of my eye BOOM he's standing right there, holy mess I had come to his place of work (which I like this place and refuse to avoid it because of a guy). I didn't know this is where he worked as he has changed jobs since I last spoke to him. None the less there he was! I did a stellar job of ignoring him for a good while but then I made the mistake of....making eye contact. Oops, now he's not sure what to do, that was very obvious, but we say hey (probably the most awkward hey ever) and he says "I wasn't sure you wanted to speak to me"....That was like a punch in the stomach...see last time I text him I laid everything I felt about him on the line, EVERYTHING, then asked that he never text me again because I couldn't handle being just friends....see this is not a good situation to be in, yet there I was. He must have asked 3 times what I was up to, all of them had the same answer, work and baseball. Then on round 3 he says "and single girl status" ahhhhhh shit he's read the blog!! I immediately start racking my brain, what have I said that relates to him? I know I've wrote about him, and if he didn't realize that before he does now, yet still I was happy to know he read it...this bi-polar moment brought to you by!! It felt like at this point it was time to exit stage left, I ended up leaving without saying goodbye, which at the time seemed like a perfect plan but today.....not so much! I wish I had said bye, I wish I had grabbed a little closure, I wish I didn't still freaking care!! But hey, I do, and that's just part of having exes....part of being single. Yes you have moments where you want to hide under a table, yes there's pain and hurt feelings, no it's not as fun as it looks all the time, but that's  OK! It's life, and if you don't let the little things (like exes) get you down, then it's a good one!!