Talkin bout my Girls

I am going to keep this one short and sweet as this girl has SOOOO many deadlines to meet! I will be back on track after Halloween. Todays topic, my favorite single girl behavior? Well sadly I think I am pretty normal as far as single girl habits go. I mean I watch EVERY Real Housewives show, I drink wine alone sometimes, I am definitely a huge fan of singing Disney songs and dancing around my house and I eat icing right out the can! Those are normal....right?? However my favorite single girl behavior is.....My girls!! Now yes, I have always had friends, but while married I was forced to restrict my time with them. My ex didn't really love me spending too much time with my girls, he was my "best friend" as he would say. Well yes he was, but I certainly couldn't talk girl talk with him and I know he didn't care to hear me complain....about him! Hello Girlfriends needed!! Now some of you married girls have very understanding husbands when it comes to this so good for you, should I ever remarry I will have a beyond understanding man! That being said, now that I am single I LOVE LOVE being a better friend to my girls. I am so blessed with so many AMAZING friends and they have supported me through soooooo much, so it's very nice to finally be able to give them the friendship they deserve in return. So to all my girls, especially a certain 3 (thread) ;) thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me through the good, the bad, the BEST and my very very UGLY!! I have gone to very dark places in the past 2 years but I have never walked alone, and this is why I thank God everyday for my fav single behavior, my girls!

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??!?!?!?

Ok so I took a break! This single mom has had a heck of a week!! But I am back and today's topic is a great one for me…..Worst date ever! WOW this one was so easy to pick, it all started when I decided to listen to friends that thought I needed to date, you know get back in the saddle.  So I meet this guy through friends, a blind date if you will, and I am super nervous because it’s my first date since the divorce (turns out dating is like riding a bike, a terrible, rusty, uncomfortable bike).  I get my best heels on and I am ready to go, I get a text, because God forbid anyone pick up a phone, and it says to meet him in Pell City (he lives in Oxford).  So we meet, I am not overly impressed by his looks but trying not to be superficial I keep my mind open.  His suggestion for a first date dinner…..Cracker Barrel……Don’t get me wrong I love cracker Barrel, when I am with my granny, but on a first date…..REALLY!?! But hey I roll with it, what do I know, it’s been 10 years since I have been on a date. WELLLLLL at this lovely dinner he then plays on his phone checking his ESPN app as if there were some amazing stat he might miss while eating his veggie plate, needless to say I am annoyed but again keeping that OPEN mind! While he was on his phone I get a text that one of my nearest and dearest friends and her hubs were nearby, yep I put them on standby and glad I did because next stop on this first date disaster was to a lake with a walking track…..supposedly a romantic spot in good ole Anniston….keep in mind it’s like 40 degrees out. YES I had my friends head straight to the track to be my back up.  All the way to this lake he builds it up like we are about to take a gondola ride down the Riviera, turns out it was a walk around a freezing lake with a mile long walking track…..yeah buddy!! As we are walking this freezing track he says see there’s a happy couple (the only other people at this creepy park) and it was ALL I could do to hold in my laughter as this happy couple was my couple, my bestie there to make sure I don’t end up at the bottom of this Anniston “lake”.   After a 2 mile walk and a frozen nose he suggest a tour of the oxford/Anniston area…OH GOODY just what I have always hoped for, needless to say my friends were out! (they did stay on call for me though) However before this “magical” tour started he needed to stop by his house and get something, honestly I can’t remember what, and what happens at the house where I stay in the car……he brings his SON out to meet me!!!!! Now look I have NOTHING against kids!! I have 3, BUT you DO NOT go introducing kids on a first date!!! Awkward!!!!! At this point I am thinking take the tour, go home, and call this a wash, but oh the tour. We are passing every pointless landmatk in Oxford AL and I pretend to care enough to get through this and then it happened…..THE MAIN EVENT….he says “are you ready for this?” I can’t lie I was thinking OMG something worth mentioning is finally going to happen, maybe it’s not a wash, I wait with great anticipation because he seems so freaking pumped about this next step in the tour!! Ok, here we are driving over a bridge and he says with so much excitement “ok ok …we are in Oxford ANNNNNNNDDDDDD NOW we are in Anniston!!!!!!!!!!” WHAT???????? A city line!?!?!?!?!? I pass 3 on my way to work!!!! Was this fool serious?!?!?! I am a sensible person, very cautious, but at that very moment it took EVERY bone in my body, EVERY fiber of my being not to open the door and jump from this moving vehicle of dating DOOM!!!! Oh but folks it doesn’t end there, NO NO we went to downtown Anniston which in his words “was like Birmingham only a little smaller”  (keep in mind Birmingham is NOT my fav city and this street looked like the smallest part of B’ham which was far from desirable to me), and then he says “those are the city’s 2 bars…but I don’t go to bars and I don’t drink ….only trashy people do!” STOP THE CAR!!!!!!!! OK here it is, I DO NOT judge! Period! And I DO drink…..SOOOOO “take my trashy self-back to my car please” yes my exact words. I was beyond DONE!! Longest ride back to a car EVER!! I even swore off dating that night lol that obviously didn’t stick but none the less it was THE WORST experience in dating I have ever had, and right out the gate at that, I mean did I really waste a cute outfit and a fabulous pair of heels on that??? Answer….yes, yes I most certainly did and I laugh so hard about it now! So while dating can suck, and I have wasted many a cute outfit, it’s ok because if you can laugh at the end….eh it’s ok if it happened.

STOP!

I'm in the air again, as usual, so here's to another airborne blog! Today's challenge google the meaning of your name and say if it fits you or not. Well mine means victory of the people...I think we can all agree this accurate ;) you're welcome people. Since this challenge seems a tad ridiculous to me I'm gonna change the topic, I'm just that wild and crazy! I want to talk about something that's been on my mind lately....bullying! I have seen first hand some very serious forms of bullying lately. It makes me sick! Parents, what are we doing wrong?? I know that every problem a child has can't be blamed on the parent but when you have bullies starting as early as 1st grade, who do we blame? I am blessed that my children, as of now, stand up to bullying. CO my middle got suspended last year for standing up for a child who couldn't stand up for themselves (even the vp said he hated having to suspend him for the situation but fighting is fighting and rules are rules). However IF, and I say if  because I've learned to never say my child will never, so if  my child were to bully someone he would NOT want to come home and face the wrath of me!! I assure you this! So parents, yes you can't control your child when they aren't with you, but how about putting a healthy fear and some morals into them. Let them know that bullying is NOT ok!! Here is an example....when CO was in 1st grade he got jumped on the playground, crazy right?!? First grade!!!! (He's in 7th now)  Well yes this happened all because my child played sports at a city park that's a rival of the school he goes to. (They now play sports for their school team and are great assets to the team thanks to the training they got at the rival city park). How was I to know you could catch such hell for playing city baseball?? I had a chance to talk to the parent of the child that started the bullying that led to CO getting jumped in 1st grade (he held his own btw, he would be mad if he ever read this and I didn't mention my sweet hearted child can fight, 1 of 3 boys=survival lol) and this parent says to me " yea I told my child to mess with him, he shouldn't be playing at that other park"!! I almost came out of my skin!!! People this is the problem!! Parents are not giving the right example!! I am begging you parents to not be your child's friend...be their loving parent and teach them morals and class! Teach them to be kind to their fellow classmates as they do not know these children's struggles! Keep up with their social networking if you allow them to have any...my children have no fb it's too easy to sneak around on fb, however when I feel they are responsible enough they can have one, but I WILL monitor it! No it's not an invasion of privacy it's called parenting, more people should try it! There is currently 2 children (12 year olds) on trial up north for bullying on fb that led to another 12 year olds suicide. This is unnecessary and parenting (on all sides) is key!! If the parents would have monitored their children's fb pages maybe this could've been avoided! So to put it clearly....Step up parents, save lives, STOP bullying!! 

When one door closes.....

Where I am today vs. where I thought I would be......I'm proud to say I'm beyond where I ever expected. Growing up I had the typical little girl princess outlook on life, you grow up, you get married, have kids and you live happily ever after. Well that plan went flying out the window very early on! At 17 I gave birth to my amazing oldest son, no Prince Charming in the picture and certainly out of the original order of things. This in many people's mind, set me up for early failure. I was led to believe at this point I just needed to do what I could to get by and throw all my dreams out the window, and I did for a while. A few mistakes later (and I never call my children mistakes so that's not what I'm speaking of) I ended up in my "happily ever after", married, kids, house, you know "the dream". Turns out this Disney dream of mine was more like a nightmare. So 30 years old, back to square one, and far from where I thought I would and should be, I started my new ever after. Of coarse I had my pity party, balloons and all, telling myself it was all so unfair. Why me? Where was my happily ever after? Why was my Prince Charming less of a night in shinning armor and more of an idiot in Tinfoil? These are questions I still haven't got answers for, but I learned quickly I didn't need these answers, I learned I didn't need saving, because as it turns out all the negatives had brought me strength I didn't even know I had. Strength that gave me the courage to get to where I am today, and lord knows it wasn't an easy road. I've worked tirelessly to build what I have, Blood, sweat, and tears literally, but here I am.

I have more then I could have ever imagined.....I am a single mother that has THE most WONDERFUL monsters :) and as I sit here writing this  I am in a 5 star hotel, in a major city, on business. My work has taken me all over the world, which is much more then this small town girl ever thought she was capable of. So, I have this successful career, much more successful then I could've ever imagined, amazing kids, amazing friends that are like family, and much more and  while I had a lot of heart ache on the way, I regret none of it as it's molded me into the proud single working mother I am today. Not my original dream, but my amazing reality none the less. 

I can wait....

Sorry for the break in my challenge! busy busy week, and once again this is coming to you from the air. Todays topic: 5 traits I require in my future mate...

1.) honesty!! This is so important in any relationship and unfortunately is lacking in most relationships. I've been lied to more then I'd like to admit and I've let myself believe those lies even more then I would like to admit, but ultimately those lies have been the destruction of what otherwise could've been great relationships. Once being lied to all trust is gone. Which brings me to 2!

2) trustworthy! This is huge with me! For starters, if I'm dating you I don't want to worry that every time I turn my back I have to wonder what's he getting into? Who's he talking to? And in return I expect him to trust me. I travel A LOT! That's probably pretty obvious and I can't stand a man thinking he has to worry when I'm gone. If I choose to be with you that's what I've chosen to do...don't question my loyalty. Also I'm a firm believer in having girls nights (and guys having guys nights) with zero doubt from either parties mind. If you trust each other, this healthy practice of having your own friends can be amazing to the relationship. However lack of trust, just like lying can be the quickest end to a relationship ever! I'm not a check your phone or emails snooping kinda girl so in my mind if you get to the point your in your partners business like that, it's past time to move on. 

3) successful! This does not mean he has to have tons of money. Ladies if you are looking at a man for his money you are so not going in the right direction. In my opinion, successful means they have goals...some they've met and some they are still working on. They are stable and they are always looking to better themselves no matter how well they are doing. 

4) funny!! I absolutely must have a man with a sense of humor. It's no secret I can be a smart ass, but I like a smart ass back, as long as it's all in fun. Part of that butterfly feeling I talk about wanting so bad is laughter! LOVE LOVE laughter. 

5) saved the best for last....MUST love my boys!! This is the most important qualification for a man with me. I'm not saying it's easy, its far from it, loving someone else's child is a very strong form of love. However, to be with me those monsters of mine must be loved as much if not more then you love me! They trump all! I absolutely hate seeing women with children putting their child behind a man. Knowing the man is wrong and still taking up for his ridiculous behavior with their child...for me it's easy, treat my monsters badly....to the left (next)! 

Honestly listing these traits was easy, I know what I want, finding this seems to be the issue! Also, if I could list a 6th trait, I would like a godly man. Now I don't make it to church every Sunday, I like wine, I can have a sailors mouth every now and then, BUT I am a very spiritual person. I have a church family who loves me even though I can't be there all the time, and if I say I'll pray for you please believe you get prayed for. So I guess what I'm looking for is a man with the same morals and values my amazing daddy had. I saw how wonderful he treated my mother and me and my sisters and I refuse to settle until I find at least a close replica of his values. It's gonna  be hard in today's society but hey...I can wait :) 

Turbulence ahead.....

Happy Sunday!! It's been gorgeous! Well that's what I hear....I'm in the sky as usual...thank you delta wifi in the sky! So today's topic....every women has the love life she wants! Ha! I love this saying, it's possibly the most asinine thing I've ever heard. If I took a pole right now of all the single and married ladies I know this statement would be far from true! I get the point, if you don't like your situation leave it! Oh yes, it's that easy (sarcasm font) Here is a scenario, I married a man I loved with ALL of my heart, I couldn't imagine my life with ANYONE else. He was my everything and together we raised some amazing boys. Then out of no where this man I gave my life to, in sickness and health...til death do us part.... These were words we truly said from our heart, he disappears! I'm left with a bitter, mean, stranger and I have no idea what to do!! But wait every women has the love life she wants....right??? No! So then I make the toughest decision of my life and leave my partner, my everything and I sit back helplessly and watch him self destruct! Are you telling me this is the love life I want?!? Then I leave him (ya know controlling my own love life, geez I need a sarcasm font) and what am I left with??? A dating desert of no romance, no morals, and no damn butterflies!! Oh YES this is the love life I picked out! Because every girl choses there love life (laughing matters)!! I no more have control over my love life as I do over the plane I'm on now. Hear me out, the pilot can control his end of things, but the storm clouds and turbulence, he can only steer through and hope for a safe landing. As a single girl I certainly can't control my love love life, and I certainly don't have the love life I hoped for, regardless of the saying! However I will, like the pilot, steer through the turbulence of my crazy love life and hope for my safe landing of my own one day. 

Desperate times.....

The most common misconception about single women....well there's a few I could go with but I'm gonna address the "we are desperate" issue. Now of coarse there are desperate single women out there, so starved for attention that they will take ANY attention a man gives, good or bad. However that is not the general way of thinking for most single ladies. Just because we are single in this you gotta get married ASAP society, doesn't mean we are going to just jump on the first frog that comes by and pray he's actually a prince. Not even, we are worth so much more then that. Single girls, please remember you are worth so much more then that!! Don't let a guy or even your married friends that are "so worried" about you convince you it's time to settle. I've noticed that dating at my age involves zero romance! Where did it go? I'm not asking for a helicopter ride over the city, but a nice dinner or even a sweet note when I've had a bad day wouldn't kill a guy. While walking in NYC recently, a friend (not a date just a friend) bought me a rose from a drunk homeless man, and that my friends was the closest thing to romance I've gotten in years!! Sad right? When telling another friend this story she says "well at our age we can't expect romance." What?? Why?? It's that way of thinking that makes us look desperate. Thinking we don't deserve romance and we should just take whatever we get, you know "you get what ya get and ya don't pitch a fit"  well I'm pitching a fit!!!! I want romance, I want butterflies, I want it all!! I am not so desperate that I will settle for anything less then complete and total happiness and I know MOST of my fellow single girls have the same respect for themselves. In this crazy dating world we may be confused, we may have fears, we may even make mistakes (yes mistakes) BUT we are far FAR from desperate. 

There's a flag on the play....

My biggest fear as a single girl…..flags!! This may sound crazy so let me explain. I have a flag system, you know, the signs that a guy might put up that the relationship isn’t going to work.  My system goes like this; White flag-Just proceed with caution, Yellow flag-ok hunny this guy might have issues you can’t handle, and RED FLAG-lace up your best Nike’s and run girl!!!!! Well I have noticed that I am like an SEC ref when it comes to throwing the RED flag on a guy, I toss those things out left and right, and I’m outta there! While I think my system is great at weeding out the less then appealing candidates and it definitely helps protect my slightly over guarded heart, am I abusing my own system? Do I even give these guys a fighting chance? Am I going to be alone forever because of flags? (Oh and yes happily single girls can fear being alone forever).  I gave a guy a Red flag once because he liked me too much too soon! In my defense I think he was definitely a stage 5 clinger and while some girls like that, I DO NOT!  Then there’s ignoring the flags. Lord knows I am guilty of ignoring my own system from time to time.  I once wanted so badly to believe that this guy who made me smile and laugh constantly, and looking into his eyes made my heart melt, was right for me no matter how many flags I saw. It was like I somehow  didn’t notice anymore that while he was all these things to me, I just wasn’t those things to him.  I found myself so wrapped up in those eyes that I forget to notice he never took me out or even gave me the respect I deserved. Well needless to say by the time I implemented my flag system with him the damage was done, my heart was broken (a very hard thing for me to admit). I however do not completely regret this situation as it gave me many butterfly moments that I adored and well heartbreaks happen.  I am just glad I came to my senses before I allowed more time and damage to be done.  Then there are the much worse cases where girls fail to see the controlling, abusive relationships they are getting into and that’s no good. For instance, I know this is pretty well known, but NEVER ignore the way a man treats his mother! EVER! If he treats her rude you stand no chance of being treated well. Also take note if you want to go off with your girls without him…does he get ill? These are not things to be ignored ladies, these are DOUBLE RED flags! No butterfly moments to appreciate after these guys, believe me.  So while some would say throw the flags away Nicole or you will never find happiness with a man, I say I will keep my flags fears and all, because while I may fear never finding someone who passes my flag system, I am very happy knowing it keeps me from doing another one of my biggest fears….Settling!

Who's that girl????

Name a moment when being single was awesome…..ugh yea I am going to have to change this one up a little. I am going to go with WHY being single is so awesome, because I cannot pin point one moment alone. There are so many perks to being single, from something as simple as karaoke night with your best single girls (belting out “none of your business” and “Independent women” knowing we can’t sing) to something as complex and extremely important as complete and total control of the remote. Also I would be remised if I didn’t mention my single girl love affair with Chef Boyardee (hey! abc 123’s are bomb),  a love affair I had to put aside while married because some people don’t  appreciate fine can dining. While all the things I have named are definitely a part of making being single so awesome, none of them compare to what I consider to be the most awesome of them all………finding out who I am! By the time I was 21 I had a family, kids, husband, the whole shebang and there was no time to think about Nicole. I mean seriously I made all these life decisions before I could even buy beer!   What did I know??? Answer….Nothing!! Well over the years as I realized I knew nothing about what I wanted, I became extremely aware that I didn’t want what I had. I mean of coarse my children were never a question, they are my world, but my adult life….my career….my husband, who sadly felt like a stranger, what was I doing? So after many years of debate I chose to start over at 30 and become the “single girl” again. How scary this was while exciting at the same time. I mean I now get to figure out what I have been wondering my entire 20’s….Who am I? Well the journey is never ending and I learn more about myself every day, something’s I love about me others eh not so much, but hey I am working on those. I am also learning what I want in a mate, I have definitely added to the  things I DO NOT want list I was already keeping,  but I am also now adding  things to the want list…things I never realized I found so charming and lovely about my male counterpart.  So ladies if you are reading this, single, and looking for “Mr. Wright”, make sure you know who Mrs. Wright is first, because if you don’t know what you want, then chances are you are going to be disappointed in what ya get.  

Oh The Shame....

Today's topic is to describe a moment when being single sucked. This was an easy one for me, this moment will stick with me forever. For those who don't know I travel A LOT with work. I put a lot of effort into my career and I am very proud of my achievements in my field. I work in a mans industry, however I am very lucky to work with the best of the best businessmen around! Well, I was at a function a few years ago (one I don't attend anymore and have no clients at) and there was a group of women, they came up and introduced themselves, at first I thought how nice...at first. They then asked me who I was with and I proudly named my company, they then said "oh what does your husband do there?" I nicely explained to them that I wasn't a spouse, I was there with work....OH my then came the questions...So you travel a lot? Men do not like that do they? Do you have a social life outside of work? How are you going to find a man while working like this? and so on and so on. I mean they were going so fast with this single girl witch hunt I couldn't even keep up. One even said "what a shame you will never have anyone to take care of you." Needless to say I got out of there asap with the simple statement, I have been married and have 3 lovely boys to show for it....the best thing they had to say to that was "well at least you have that."  So as I am walking back to my room (taking the long way might I add) I realized these women had just made me ashamed of the fact that I put my successful career ahead of my quest to find "The One" or "my hero" and the worst part was I let them! I mean seriously who were they to say "At least I have"....my life is far from an "at least" event! I have so much! Career, kids, friends, and family! How the hell am I letting these women bring me down? I literally had a SNL in front of the mirror moment "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!"  and further more what did she mean what a shame no one will ever take care of me? I mean yes being taken care of is nice, but I am not the kind of girl looking to be taken care of. I feel I have this organized chaos I call my life under control. So for me, my worst single girl moment turned into one of my favorite Nicole moments! The moment I realized that I would never apologize for being a successful single woman again, and believe me I haven't. I may not have it all in society's eyes (or the evil wives club) but in my little world I have everything and more!!

Why are YOU still single??

So I have committed  to a 30 day blogging challenge  from the perspective of a single girl. I find this intriguing considering I am not only a single girl in her 30's, but a single mother as well. The first thing on the agenda is the age old question us single girls get.... "and why are "YOU" still single?" Ahhh I love this question (sarcasm font needed!!) I mean what answer are you expecting?? Am I supposed to dig deep and find something ridiculously wrong with me so that it makes sense to you that I am single? Because clearly the fact that I refuse to settle for anything less then the best isn't a good enough option?? Then add onto it I am divorced AND a single mom to 3 amazing boys, WOW the faces I get!! Like bless her heart how will she ever find someone at her age with all her baggage...she can't be so picky!! Well here it is, I spent YEARS in a relationship that made my life miserable! I put on the fake smile like a good wife and pretended all was well. So excuse me if I would rather have nothing at all as opposed to a fake version of happy. So here is my official answer as to why I am still single years after divorce.....I REFUSE TO SETTLE!! That's right I said it, single women everywhere please hear me, you are NOT pathetic nor do you deserve the sad looks from your "happily" married friends when you RSVP party of one! Nor does this mean you are bitter and don't believe in LOVE, it just means you want real, true, knock your socks off love!! AND that is GREAT!! In this society where the Facebook status single can mean so much, I feel proud that I have not sacrificed my morals or happiness so I can say I have a "better half". See, I make an amazing whole and anything else is just an amazing accessory. So next time someone asks Why are YOU still single?? smile knowing it's because you are just that amazing!

Well I kept this first one short and sweet! I am new at blogging and this might only last the 30 days lol but I am definitely in it for this!