Done

What I've learned from my blogging challenge....yes I did all 30 days but kept some private as they were too emotionally intimate for me to share, but I've definitely learned a lot from this challenge. I've learned for one, I should take my own advice! After reflecting on things I've written about I realized I always know what I should do, I just don't always listen. I'm gonna start listening to me! I also learned that while my friends mean well, I sometimes let them effect my decisions with guys even if I know more about the situation then they do. I'm not saying don't listen to your friends because lord knows the outsiders perspective is good, but if you think you really need to keep fighting for something, don't let others convince you to give up. I actually have a huge regret from a situation similar to that and I normally live regret free, I should've held on as I wasn't unhappy, I just wasn't where I wanted to be yet (the explanation to that was in a private blog). I also learned through this that I have huge standards!! God bless I may be single forever lol but if not I will have an amazing man in my life. I am very thankful for the morals and values my parents instilled in me as they have definitely come into play in my life and what I'm looking for in a man, I realized this while going through the challenge. I started this challenge in a dark place dating wise, all hope on relationships was lost, but after going through the 30 days (which took me like 60 lol) I realize that alls not lost and that I am a strong single woman who doesn't need a man to define me. I still believe in love and want it, I just won't settle for anything less then true, unconditional, love. 

Is chivalry dead????

So I'm at lunch with a client today, he's from my parents generation and he says to me....why don't you kids date anymore!?!? OMG took the thoughts straight from my head!! Why don't we date anymore?? Why do people think buying a few beers at the local bars constitutes a date??!!??!!  I'm so over this! I have been in "relationships" and I use that term lightly, where we never go on REAL dates!! My last date I do believe was last valentines and I'm gonna use the term "date" lightly as well but that's another story, yet I can say I've never not been dating someone until recently! All because I just decided that watching you play Xbox or drinking at a bar together is no longer good enough. I'm not saying 5 star weekends every week, but put some effort into it, a simple movie night at home counts if you put effort into it. So until a guy is gentleman enough to show respect and ask me out, you know like we used to do, I am refraining from the laughing matter we single girls call "dating"! 

Old School....

So I didn't do any blogs last week as it was a rough week for me, but I'm back and today the topic is.....if I could have a conversation with myself in high school what would I say. WOW, well I'd have so much  to say as I have learned a ton since then, thank God, but see I'm not sure how much I would want to change. Everything in my life good or bad has made me who I am today and I like me. My biggest "mistakes" brought me my biggest blessings! However I would tell myself that all the gossip (which we know never stops) is irrelevant! None of these people will matter after high school (except the ones that love me). These girls who think they are so much better then you are just insecure and that's why they put you down. I was lucky in high school, I wasn't picked on and I had tons of great friends, but for those there now who aren't as lucky....keep your head up and know in a few short years (yes I know that feels like an eternity now) this will all be over and you will move on to bigger and better things. High school is definitely a jungle but if you stay true to you you'll make it out alive. 

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream.....

A song that makes me cry everytime I hear it....I think this topic is odd because until a year ago I didn't have one and the one I do have isn't a Taylor Swift I can't live without him song, it's Luther Vandross Dance with my father. This song kills me!! Yet I love it. 

These words are sooo true!! It hurts so bad just thinking I haven't hugged my daddy in almost a year. My heart aches everyday because I don't have him, I didn't go a day without talking to him. I  enjoy football because that was our thing, I grew up watching football with my daddy, cheering on the Tide! We always watched the game together, even once I was older,unless I was out of town in which case I would call him on commercial breaks. I remember the Saturday before he died watching my last Bama game with him, sitting next to his hospital bed, holding his hand and praying this wasn't my last game to watch with him. That memory, while it sounds painful, I will always cherish.  Luckily I have so many wonderful memories to hold onto, from my earliest memory to now he's a part of all my best memories! 

This part has always been true, even as an adult lol. When my mother would make me ill I would tell her (like even once I turned 30) I'm gonna call my daddy and tell on you. When she actually did make me mad I would call him and he always knew how to make everything better, never once disrespecting my mother. He was absolutely the most amazing man ever. I learned a lot about how a man should treat a woman by watching how amazing he was to my mom. His example was truly the best and I hope to one day find someone who treats me with the respect and love that my daddy gave my mom. 

What more can I say (without losing it on my end).....I was loved!! 

Text me.....

Last person I text and our relationship…..I lucked out when I read this topic for today because the last person I text was one of my fav girls! We are planning our night on the town tonight, she is a fellow strong single girl. This girl came into my life right when I needed her most; God’s timing really is perfect. We have been through some stuff together and we are true soul sisters.  We have had more good times then I can count, maybe TOO good of times every now and then! From wild staycations to hanging on the back porch sippin some wine I don’t know what I would do without her. Friends like this are a necessity to every single girl. A friend that understands what the dating world is like, one that can wipe your tears (you know the ones you hide from everyone else), one who can make you laugh on your worst day, and one you can always do the same for in return.  Cheers to single girl Friday nights, hope everyone enjoys their weekend!  

Trust Me.....

Annoying couple behavior…..well we all have been guilty of annoying couple behavior at one point or another, you know the gushy lovey dovey displays of affection that make everyone around us sick! Yeah I can excuse those for the most part because hey, love happens. What I can’t stand is, and this will offend some people, the couples that must be ONE with EVERYTHING! No one allowed to have their own thought process. You know the types, can’t go to dinner with the girls without having to check in every 10 minutes, OH and you can forget going out of town without the guy... lord knows that’s not going to happen! Let’s not forget those who share a Facebook page….REALLY you need to share your Facebook page?!?! JohnandJane Doe are soooo in love J J ugh no Truth is JohnandJane Doe have soooooo many trust issues! That’s the couples that get to me! I totally get respecting your partners wishes and feelings but when that fine line crosses over into lack of trust and control it makes me nauseous. Mainly because I have been in a controlling relationship and I know it’s not a good place to be. If you can’t have any trust in your relationship then you got a real problem. I have never been a check your phone; go through your things kind of girl. I just don’t have the time or energy for it. If you give me reasons to think I need to be that girl….well to the left, to the left!  So ladies if you were offended by this….I am sorry but I am not sorry….take a good look at your relationship and if there is real trust?  If you think there may not be then talk with your partner about how you can fix that J things are so much better when you aren’t constantly worried…what’s he doing? Or even worse when he has to know your every step! Remember Trust is EVERYTHING!

Oh happy day!

When was the last time I was truly blissful…..Sunday morning when I discovered Red Velvet Christmas tree cakes!!! Hello a Christmas Tree cake plus red velvet!! Yep end of story ;) ha, but seriously (OK I seriously was stoked about that) I honestly felt real, true bliss Saturday morning. I was driving down the road after a great night with one of my oldest and best friends, heading to lunch with another fabulous friend, then I was heading to get my monsters and go watch football with MORE amazing friends. HELLO, how blessed am I? The weather was great, I had my boots on and it felt Fabulous!! I couldn’t help but notice the gorgeous colors of the fall trees, this is not something I usually notice, and it was like for the first time in a LONG time I could see in color again. I was so happy I was singing EVERY song that came on the radio, my kids laughed as I cannot sing this I assure you. None the less I was so flipping happy for no other reason than I was alive! This feeling has stuck with me all week; I was even in a fabulous mood Monday of all days. Now I may not know how long this great mood will last, but I am going to ride this blissful wave while it’s here. Keep in mind if you are in a hard time, you cannot appreciate the great moments if you never experience the bad, keep your head up and wait…..true bliss comes when you least expect it.

I'm a princess because my DADDY said so!!!!

My proudest accomplishment.....Well honestly I think keeping 3 wild boys alive daily should count BUT again that would be the easy way out! So my proudest accomplishment (other then my monsters) is......my Independence! See, I can't lie, I was a spoiled child! Kept in a bubble and very happy to stay in that bubble. I married a guy who didn't mind taking care of me (financially, and NO I am not a gold digger) so when things went south I heard a lot of...."you are a spoiled little princess!! You would never make it without me!! what are you going to do run home to mommy and daddy?" Well, I started to believe this as my only option, I mean what did I know I had NEVER stood on my own!  I guess I should mention that I have always said I am a princess because my daddy said so and until his dying day he backed me on that! However, I learned REAL quick that while my daddy spoiled me and made me the princess I am today, he also taught me some very important lessons! For example, when I left my ex I left with 3 kids, NO money, and only the clothes I could fit in my car! I refused to let my ex be right! I was not running home to anyone, so I ran to a piece of crap might as well of been a shack rental, and that's when it happened! Everything my dad had taught me came to play. See I watched my dad my entire life make something out of nothing! He worked his butt off so his girls could have ANY and EVERYTHING they wanted! So now it was my turn, My boys would NOT do without!! I used that great example my daddy taught me and I worked and worked  and worked my tail off!! I got discouraged a lot as there where times I didn't even have enough money for gas to get to work, but I remembered something my dad said my entire life...."If you can fix the problem with money, it's NOT a problem", this my friends is a TRUE statement. I learned that the hard way. I was well on my way up the career ladder when I got the worst news of my life!! My dad was terminal!! It seemed like a blur and honestly I would have sold my soul to save him!! this was my world, this was the ONLY person who I felt truly and Unconditionally loved me! I mean I had given this man all the reasons in the world to be disappointed in me and he assured me he NEVER was and he meant that! When he passed I was devastated!! BUT I remembered how strong he always was, I remembered all the ways he taught me to be strong and while I have had my setbacks I pushed through and have turned into a successful, independent woman!! I have a great job and make a very nice home for my boys all by myself, Despite all the ones who thought I didn't have it in me.  I mean.....remember I was a spoiled little princess, but guess what this spoiled princess learned a lot from the man who made her so rotten :) I learned about hard work, importance of family, and the TRUE meaning of unconditional love! So yes, I am a princess, a very successful one....because my DADDY said so!!! and don't you forget it!

Ohhhhhhh HEYYYYY

Ok I am back, got through Halloween and some crazy work deadlines so maybe I can be more consistent again. Today's topic....running into an ex. Now this was supposed to come later this week but I decided to discuss it today, I'm just wild like that, and I ran into one last night so it's fresh on my brain. This can be a tricky situation, if you run into an ex you no longer have feelings for you tend to find yourself content with a hello and good to see you, BUT if you do still have feelings for the ex it can be.....ummmmmmm nauseating! You know, your heart drops into your stomach and it literally takes your breath away, yeah good times. Well in my case I was having drinks with an out of town girlfriend who was visiting last night. We were catching up on all things important when out of the corner of my eye BOOM he's standing right there, holy mess I had come to his place of work (which I like this place and refuse to avoid it because of a guy). I didn't know this is where he worked as he has changed jobs since I last spoke to him. None the less there he was! I did a stellar job of ignoring him for a good while but then I made the mistake of....making eye contact. Oops, now he's not sure what to do, that was very obvious, but we say hey (probably the most awkward hey ever) and he says "I wasn't sure you wanted to speak to me"....That was like a punch in the stomach...see last time I text him I laid everything I felt about him on the line, EVERYTHING, then asked that he never text me again because I couldn't handle being just friends....see this is not a good situation to be in, yet there I was. He must have asked 3 times what I was up to, all of them had the same answer, work and baseball. Then on round 3 he says "and single girl status" ahhhhhh shit he's read the blog!! I immediately start racking my brain, what have I said that relates to him? I know I've wrote about him, and if he didn't realize that before he does now, yet still I was happy to know he read it...this bi-polar moment brought to you by!! It felt like at this point it was time to exit stage left, I ended up leaving without saying goodbye, which at the time seemed like a perfect plan but today.....not so much! I wish I had said bye, I wish I had grabbed a little closure, I wish I didn't still freaking care!! But hey, I do, and that's just part of having exes....part of being single. Yes you have moments where you want to hide under a table, yes there's pain and hurt feelings, no it's not as fun as it looks all the time, but that's  OK! It's life, and if you don't let the little things (like exes) get you down, then it's a good one!!

Talkin bout my Girls

I am going to keep this one short and sweet as this girl has SOOOO many deadlines to meet! I will be back on track after Halloween. Todays topic, my favorite single girl behavior? Well sadly I think I am pretty normal as far as single girl habits go. I mean I watch EVERY Real Housewives show, I drink wine alone sometimes, I am definitely a huge fan of singing Disney songs and dancing around my house and I eat icing right out the can! Those are normal....right?? However my favorite single girl behavior is.....My girls!! Now yes, I have always had friends, but while married I was forced to restrict my time with them. My ex didn't really love me spending too much time with my girls, he was my "best friend" as he would say. Well yes he was, but I certainly couldn't talk girl talk with him and I know he didn't care to hear me complain....about him! Hello Girlfriends needed!! Now some of you married girls have very understanding husbands when it comes to this so good for you, should I ever remarry I will have a beyond understanding man! That being said, now that I am single I LOVE LOVE being a better friend to my girls. I am so blessed with so many AMAZING friends and they have supported me through soooooo much, so it's very nice to finally be able to give them the friendship they deserve in return. So to all my girls, especially a certain 3 (thread) ;) thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me through the good, the bad, the BEST and my very very UGLY!! I have gone to very dark places in the past 2 years but I have never walked alone, and this is why I thank God everyday for my fav single behavior, my girls!

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??!?!?!?

Ok so I took a break! This single mom has had a heck of a week!! But I am back and today's topic is a great one for me…..Worst date ever! WOW this one was so easy to pick, it all started when I decided to listen to friends that thought I needed to date, you know get back in the saddle.  So I meet this guy through friends, a blind date if you will, and I am super nervous because it’s my first date since the divorce (turns out dating is like riding a bike, a terrible, rusty, uncomfortable bike).  I get my best heels on and I am ready to go, I get a text, because God forbid anyone pick up a phone, and it says to meet him in Pell City (he lives in Oxford).  So we meet, I am not overly impressed by his looks but trying not to be superficial I keep my mind open.  His suggestion for a first date dinner…..Cracker Barrel……Don’t get me wrong I love cracker Barrel, when I am with my granny, but on a first date…..REALLY!?! But hey I roll with it, what do I know, it’s been 10 years since I have been on a date. WELLLLLL at this lovely dinner he then plays on his phone checking his ESPN app as if there were some amazing stat he might miss while eating his veggie plate, needless to say I am annoyed but again keeping that OPEN mind! While he was on his phone I get a text that one of my nearest and dearest friends and her hubs were nearby, yep I put them on standby and glad I did because next stop on this first date disaster was to a lake with a walking track…..supposedly a romantic spot in good ole Anniston….keep in mind it’s like 40 degrees out. YES I had my friends head straight to the track to be my back up.  All the way to this lake he builds it up like we are about to take a gondola ride down the Riviera, turns out it was a walk around a freezing lake with a mile long walking track…..yeah buddy!! As we are walking this freezing track he says see there’s a happy couple (the only other people at this creepy park) and it was ALL I could do to hold in my laughter as this happy couple was my couple, my bestie there to make sure I don’t end up at the bottom of this Anniston “lake”.   After a 2 mile walk and a frozen nose he suggest a tour of the oxford/Anniston area…OH GOODY just what I have always hoped for, needless to say my friends were out! (they did stay on call for me though) However before this “magical” tour started he needed to stop by his house and get something, honestly I can’t remember what, and what happens at the house where I stay in the car……he brings his SON out to meet me!!!!! Now look I have NOTHING against kids!! I have 3, BUT you DO NOT go introducing kids on a first date!!! Awkward!!!!! At this point I am thinking take the tour, go home, and call this a wash, but oh the tour. We are passing every pointless landmatk in Oxford AL and I pretend to care enough to get through this and then it happened…..THE MAIN EVENT….he says “are you ready for this?” I can’t lie I was thinking OMG something worth mentioning is finally going to happen, maybe it’s not a wash, I wait with great anticipation because he seems so freaking pumped about this next step in the tour!! Ok, here we are driving over a bridge and he says with so much excitement “ok ok …we are in Oxford ANNNNNNNDDDDDD NOW we are in Anniston!!!!!!!!!!” WHAT???????? A city line!?!?!?!?!? I pass 3 on my way to work!!!! Was this fool serious?!?!?! I am a sensible person, very cautious, but at that very moment it took EVERY bone in my body, EVERY fiber of my being not to open the door and jump from this moving vehicle of dating DOOM!!!! Oh but folks it doesn’t end there, NO NO we went to downtown Anniston which in his words “was like Birmingham only a little smaller”  (keep in mind Birmingham is NOT my fav city and this street looked like the smallest part of B’ham which was far from desirable to me), and then he says “those are the city’s 2 bars…but I don’t go to bars and I don’t drink ….only trashy people do!” STOP THE CAR!!!!!!!! OK here it is, I DO NOT judge! Period! And I DO drink…..SOOOOO “take my trashy self-back to my car please” yes my exact words. I was beyond DONE!! Longest ride back to a car EVER!! I even swore off dating that night lol that obviously didn’t stick but none the less it was THE WORST experience in dating I have ever had, and right out the gate at that, I mean did I really waste a cute outfit and a fabulous pair of heels on that??? Answer….yes, yes I most certainly did and I laugh so hard about it now! So while dating can suck, and I have wasted many a cute outfit, it’s ok because if you can laugh at the end….eh it’s ok if it happened.

STOP!

I'm in the air again, as usual, so here's to another airborne blog! Today's challenge google the meaning of your name and say if it fits you or not. Well mine means victory of the people...I think we can all agree this accurate ;) you're welcome people. Since this challenge seems a tad ridiculous to me I'm gonna change the topic, I'm just that wild and crazy! I want to talk about something that's been on my mind lately....bullying! I have seen first hand some very serious forms of bullying lately. It makes me sick! Parents, what are we doing wrong?? I know that every problem a child has can't be blamed on the parent but when you have bullies starting as early as 1st grade, who do we blame? I am blessed that my children, as of now, stand up to bullying. CO my middle got suspended last year for standing up for a child who couldn't stand up for themselves (even the vp said he hated having to suspend him for the situation but fighting is fighting and rules are rules). However IF, and I say if  because I've learned to never say my child will never, so if  my child were to bully someone he would NOT want to come home and face the wrath of me!! I assure you this! So parents, yes you can't control your child when they aren't with you, but how about putting a healthy fear and some morals into them. Let them know that bullying is NOT ok!! Here is an example....when CO was in 1st grade he got jumped on the playground, crazy right?!? First grade!!!! (He's in 7th now)  Well yes this happened all because my child played sports at a city park that's a rival of the school he goes to. (They now play sports for their school team and are great assets to the team thanks to the training they got at the rival city park). How was I to know you could catch such hell for playing city baseball?? I had a chance to talk to the parent of the child that started the bullying that led to CO getting jumped in 1st grade (he held his own btw, he would be mad if he ever read this and I didn't mention my sweet hearted child can fight, 1 of 3 boys=survival lol) and this parent says to me " yea I told my child to mess with him, he shouldn't be playing at that other park"!! I almost came out of my skin!!! People this is the problem!! Parents are not giving the right example!! I am begging you parents to not be your child's friend...be their loving parent and teach them morals and class! Teach them to be kind to their fellow classmates as they do not know these children's struggles! Keep up with their social networking if you allow them to have any...my children have no fb it's too easy to sneak around on fb, however when I feel they are responsible enough they can have one, but I WILL monitor it! No it's not an invasion of privacy it's called parenting, more people should try it! There is currently 2 children (12 year olds) on trial up north for bullying on fb that led to another 12 year olds suicide. This is unnecessary and parenting (on all sides) is key!! If the parents would have monitored their children's fb pages maybe this could've been avoided! So to put it clearly....Step up parents, save lives, STOP bullying!! 

When one door closes.....

Where I am today vs. where I thought I would be......I'm proud to say I'm beyond where I ever expected. Growing up I had the typical little girl princess outlook on life, you grow up, you get married, have kids and you live happily ever after. Well that plan went flying out the window very early on! At 17 I gave birth to my amazing oldest son, no Prince Charming in the picture and certainly out of the original order of things. This in many people's mind, set me up for early failure. I was led to believe at this point I just needed to do what I could to get by and throw all my dreams out the window, and I did for a while. A few mistakes later (and I never call my children mistakes so that's not what I'm speaking of) I ended up in my "happily ever after", married, kids, house, you know "the dream". Turns out this Disney dream of mine was more like a nightmare. So 30 years old, back to square one, and far from where I thought I would and should be, I started my new ever after. Of coarse I had my pity party, balloons and all, telling myself it was all so unfair. Why me? Where was my happily ever after? Why was my Prince Charming less of a night in shinning armor and more of an idiot in Tinfoil? These are questions I still haven't got answers for, but I learned quickly I didn't need these answers, I learned I didn't need saving, because as it turns out all the negatives had brought me strength I didn't even know I had. Strength that gave me the courage to get to where I am today, and lord knows it wasn't an easy road. I've worked tirelessly to build what I have, Blood, sweat, and tears literally, but here I am.

I have more then I could have ever imagined.....I am a single mother that has THE most WONDERFUL monsters :) and as I sit here writing this  I am in a 5 star hotel, in a major city, on business. My work has taken me all over the world, which is much more then this small town girl ever thought she was capable of. So, I have this successful career, much more successful then I could've ever imagined, amazing kids, amazing friends that are like family, and much more and  while I had a lot of heart ache on the way, I regret none of it as it's molded me into the proud single working mother I am today. Not my original dream, but my amazing reality none the less. 

I can wait....

Sorry for the break in my challenge! busy busy week, and once again this is coming to you from the air. Todays topic: 5 traits I require in my future mate...

1.) honesty!! This is so important in any relationship and unfortunately is lacking in most relationships. I've been lied to more then I'd like to admit and I've let myself believe those lies even more then I would like to admit, but ultimately those lies have been the destruction of what otherwise could've been great relationships. Once being lied to all trust is gone. Which brings me to 2!

2) trustworthy! This is huge with me! For starters, if I'm dating you I don't want to worry that every time I turn my back I have to wonder what's he getting into? Who's he talking to? And in return I expect him to trust me. I travel A LOT! That's probably pretty obvious and I can't stand a man thinking he has to worry when I'm gone. If I choose to be with you that's what I've chosen to do...don't question my loyalty. Also I'm a firm believer in having girls nights (and guys having guys nights) with zero doubt from either parties mind. If you trust each other, this healthy practice of having your own friends can be amazing to the relationship. However lack of trust, just like lying can be the quickest end to a relationship ever! I'm not a check your phone or emails snooping kinda girl so in my mind if you get to the point your in your partners business like that, it's past time to move on. 

3) successful! This does not mean he has to have tons of money. Ladies if you are looking at a man for his money you are so not going in the right direction. In my opinion, successful means they have goals...some they've met and some they are still working on. They are stable and they are always looking to better themselves no matter how well they are doing. 

4) funny!! I absolutely must have a man with a sense of humor. It's no secret I can be a smart ass, but I like a smart ass back, as long as it's all in fun. Part of that butterfly feeling I talk about wanting so bad is laughter! LOVE LOVE laughter. 

5) saved the best for last....MUST love my boys!! This is the most important qualification for a man with me. I'm not saying it's easy, its far from it, loving someone else's child is a very strong form of love. However, to be with me those monsters of mine must be loved as much if not more then you love me! They trump all! I absolutely hate seeing women with children putting their child behind a man. Knowing the man is wrong and still taking up for his ridiculous behavior with their child...for me it's easy, treat my monsters badly....to the left (next)! 

Honestly listing these traits was easy, I know what I want, finding this seems to be the issue! Also, if I could list a 6th trait, I would like a godly man. Now I don't make it to church every Sunday, I like wine, I can have a sailors mouth every now and then, BUT I am a very spiritual person. I have a church family who loves me even though I can't be there all the time, and if I say I'll pray for you please believe you get prayed for. So I guess what I'm looking for is a man with the same morals and values my amazing daddy had. I saw how wonderful he treated my mother and me and my sisters and I refuse to settle until I find at least a close replica of his values. It's gonna  be hard in today's society but hey...I can wait :) 

Turbulence ahead.....

Happy Sunday!! It's been gorgeous! Well that's what I hear....I'm in the sky as usual...thank you delta wifi in the sky! So today's topic....every women has the love life she wants! Ha! I love this saying, it's possibly the most asinine thing I've ever heard. If I took a pole right now of all the single and married ladies I know this statement would be far from true! I get the point, if you don't like your situation leave it! Oh yes, it's that easy (sarcasm font) Here is a scenario, I married a man I loved with ALL of my heart, I couldn't imagine my life with ANYONE else. He was my everything and together we raised some amazing boys. Then out of no where this man I gave my life to, in sickness and health...til death do us part.... These were words we truly said from our heart, he disappears! I'm left with a bitter, mean, stranger and I have no idea what to do!! But wait every women has the love life she wants....right??? No! So then I make the toughest decision of my life and leave my partner, my everything and I sit back helplessly and watch him self destruct! Are you telling me this is the love life I want?!? Then I leave him (ya know controlling my own love life, geez I need a sarcasm font) and what am I left with??? A dating desert of no romance, no morals, and no damn butterflies!! Oh YES this is the love life I picked out! Because every girl choses there love life (laughing matters)!! I no more have control over my love life as I do over the plane I'm on now. Hear me out, the pilot can control his end of things, but the storm clouds and turbulence, he can only steer through and hope for a safe landing. As a single girl I certainly can't control my love love life, and I certainly don't have the love life I hoped for, regardless of the saying! However I will, like the pilot, steer through the turbulence of my crazy love life and hope for my safe landing of my own one day. 

Desperate times.....

The most common misconception about single women....well there's a few I could go with but I'm gonna address the "we are desperate" issue. Now of coarse there are desperate single women out there, so starved for attention that they will take ANY attention a man gives, good or bad. However that is not the general way of thinking for most single ladies. Just because we are single in this you gotta get married ASAP society, doesn't mean we are going to just jump on the first frog that comes by and pray he's actually a prince. Not even, we are worth so much more then that. Single girls, please remember you are worth so much more then that!! Don't let a guy or even your married friends that are "so worried" about you convince you it's time to settle. I've noticed that dating at my age involves zero romance! Where did it go? I'm not asking for a helicopter ride over the city, but a nice dinner or even a sweet note when I've had a bad day wouldn't kill a guy. While walking in NYC recently, a friend (not a date just a friend) bought me a rose from a drunk homeless man, and that my friends was the closest thing to romance I've gotten in years!! Sad right? When telling another friend this story she says "well at our age we can't expect romance." What?? Why?? It's that way of thinking that makes us look desperate. Thinking we don't deserve romance and we should just take whatever we get, you know "you get what ya get and ya don't pitch a fit"  well I'm pitching a fit!!!! I want romance, I want butterflies, I want it all!! I am not so desperate that I will settle for anything less then complete and total happiness and I know MOST of my fellow single girls have the same respect for themselves. In this crazy dating world we may be confused, we may have fears, we may even make mistakes (yes mistakes) BUT we are far FAR from desperate. 

There's a flag on the play....

My biggest fear as a single girl…..flags!! This may sound crazy so let me explain. I have a flag system, you know, the signs that a guy might put up that the relationship isn’t going to work.  My system goes like this; White flag-Just proceed with caution, Yellow flag-ok hunny this guy might have issues you can’t handle, and RED FLAG-lace up your best Nike’s and run girl!!!!! Well I have noticed that I am like an SEC ref when it comes to throwing the RED flag on a guy, I toss those things out left and right, and I’m outta there! While I think my system is great at weeding out the less then appealing candidates and it definitely helps protect my slightly over guarded heart, am I abusing my own system? Do I even give these guys a fighting chance? Am I going to be alone forever because of flags? (Oh and yes happily single girls can fear being alone forever).  I gave a guy a Red flag once because he liked me too much too soon! In my defense I think he was definitely a stage 5 clinger and while some girls like that, I DO NOT!  Then there’s ignoring the flags. Lord knows I am guilty of ignoring my own system from time to time.  I once wanted so badly to believe that this guy who made me smile and laugh constantly, and looking into his eyes made my heart melt, was right for me no matter how many flags I saw. It was like I somehow  didn’t notice anymore that while he was all these things to me, I just wasn’t those things to him.  I found myself so wrapped up in those eyes that I forget to notice he never took me out or even gave me the respect I deserved. Well needless to say by the time I implemented my flag system with him the damage was done, my heart was broken (a very hard thing for me to admit). I however do not completely regret this situation as it gave me many butterfly moments that I adored and well heartbreaks happen.  I am just glad I came to my senses before I allowed more time and damage to be done.  Then there are the much worse cases where girls fail to see the controlling, abusive relationships they are getting into and that’s no good. For instance, I know this is pretty well known, but NEVER ignore the way a man treats his mother! EVER! If he treats her rude you stand no chance of being treated well. Also take note if you want to go off with your girls without him…does he get ill? These are not things to be ignored ladies, these are DOUBLE RED flags! No butterfly moments to appreciate after these guys, believe me.  So while some would say throw the flags away Nicole or you will never find happiness with a man, I say I will keep my flags fears and all, because while I may fear never finding someone who passes my flag system, I am very happy knowing it keeps me from doing another one of my biggest fears….Settling!

Who's that girl????

Name a moment when being single was awesome…..ugh yea I am going to have to change this one up a little. I am going to go with WHY being single is so awesome, because I cannot pin point one moment alone. There are so many perks to being single, from something as simple as karaoke night with your best single girls (belting out “none of your business” and “Independent women” knowing we can’t sing) to something as complex and extremely important as complete and total control of the remote. Also I would be remised if I didn’t mention my single girl love affair with Chef Boyardee (hey! abc 123’s are bomb),  a love affair I had to put aside while married because some people don’t  appreciate fine can dining. While all the things I have named are definitely a part of making being single so awesome, none of them compare to what I consider to be the most awesome of them all………finding out who I am! By the time I was 21 I had a family, kids, husband, the whole shebang and there was no time to think about Nicole. I mean seriously I made all these life decisions before I could even buy beer!   What did I know??? Answer….Nothing!! Well over the years as I realized I knew nothing about what I wanted, I became extremely aware that I didn’t want what I had. I mean of coarse my children were never a question, they are my world, but my adult life….my career….my husband, who sadly felt like a stranger, what was I doing? So after many years of debate I chose to start over at 30 and become the “single girl” again. How scary this was while exciting at the same time. I mean I now get to figure out what I have been wondering my entire 20’s….Who am I? Well the journey is never ending and I learn more about myself every day, something’s I love about me others eh not so much, but hey I am working on those. I am also learning what I want in a mate, I have definitely added to the  things I DO NOT want list I was already keeping,  but I am also now adding  things to the want list…things I never realized I found so charming and lovely about my male counterpart.  So ladies if you are reading this, single, and looking for “Mr. Wright”, make sure you know who Mrs. Wright is first, because if you don’t know what you want, then chances are you are going to be disappointed in what ya get.  

Oh The Shame....

Today's topic is to describe a moment when being single sucked. This was an easy one for me, this moment will stick with me forever. For those who don't know I travel A LOT with work. I put a lot of effort into my career and I am very proud of my achievements in my field. I work in a mans industry, however I am very lucky to work with the best of the best businessmen around! Well, I was at a function a few years ago (one I don't attend anymore and have no clients at) and there was a group of women, they came up and introduced themselves, at first I thought how nice...at first. They then asked me who I was with and I proudly named my company, they then said "oh what does your husband do there?" I nicely explained to them that I wasn't a spouse, I was there with work....OH my then came the questions...So you travel a lot? Men do not like that do they? Do you have a social life outside of work? How are you going to find a man while working like this? and so on and so on. I mean they were going so fast with this single girl witch hunt I couldn't even keep up. One even said "what a shame you will never have anyone to take care of you." Needless to say I got out of there asap with the simple statement, I have been married and have 3 lovely boys to show for it....the best thing they had to say to that was "well at least you have that."  So as I am walking back to my room (taking the long way might I add) I realized these women had just made me ashamed of the fact that I put my successful career ahead of my quest to find "The One" or "my hero" and the worst part was I let them! I mean seriously who were they to say "At least I have"....my life is far from an "at least" event! I have so much! Career, kids, friends, and family! How the hell am I letting these women bring me down? I literally had a SNL in front of the mirror moment "I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me!"  and further more what did she mean what a shame no one will ever take care of me? I mean yes being taken care of is nice, but I am not the kind of girl looking to be taken care of. I feel I have this organized chaos I call my life under control. So for me, my worst single girl moment turned into one of my favorite Nicole moments! The moment I realized that I would never apologize for being a successful single woman again, and believe me I haven't. I may not have it all in society's eyes (or the evil wives club) but in my little world I have everything and more!!

Why are YOU still single??

So I have committed  to a 30 day blogging challenge  from the perspective of a single girl. I find this intriguing considering I am not only a single girl in her 30's, but a single mother as well. The first thing on the agenda is the age old question us single girls get.... "and why are "YOU" still single?" Ahhh I love this question (sarcasm font needed!!) I mean what answer are you expecting?? Am I supposed to dig deep and find something ridiculously wrong with me so that it makes sense to you that I am single? Because clearly the fact that I refuse to settle for anything less then the best isn't a good enough option?? Then add onto it I am divorced AND a single mom to 3 amazing boys, WOW the faces I get!! Like bless her heart how will she ever find someone at her age with all her baggage...she can't be so picky!! Well here it is, I spent YEARS in a relationship that made my life miserable! I put on the fake smile like a good wife and pretended all was well. So excuse me if I would rather have nothing at all as opposed to a fake version of happy. So here is my official answer as to why I am still single years after divorce.....I REFUSE TO SETTLE!! That's right I said it, single women everywhere please hear me, you are NOT pathetic nor do you deserve the sad looks from your "happily" married friends when you RSVP party of one! Nor does this mean you are bitter and don't believe in LOVE, it just means you want real, true, knock your socks off love!! AND that is GREAT!! In this society where the Facebook status single can mean so much, I feel proud that I have not sacrificed my morals or happiness so I can say I have a "better half". See, I make an amazing whole and anything else is just an amazing accessory. So next time someone asks Why are YOU still single?? smile knowing it's because you are just that amazing!

Well I kept this first one short and sweet! I am new at blogging and this might only last the 30 days lol but I am definitely in it for this!